I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
