Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
