dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
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The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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