Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
