the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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