my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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