I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize