If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
false alarm. still invincible.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize