New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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