After last night, I could never be a politician.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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