I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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