i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
