God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
