When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
