It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
