I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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