i wish my penis had a tongue
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
