Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
