The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I love you. Go after that dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
