Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
