Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
