I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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