Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
