and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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