Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
