her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
