There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
