And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
