I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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