Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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