Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
