I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
