i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
