youre lurking in front of me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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