At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
