I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
