the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Someone came in the potted fern
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
