yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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