FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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