I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
