i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
