Whats the glycemic index on semen?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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