Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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