i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
