He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
