im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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