Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
