Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
