i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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