As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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