she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm at about main and main street
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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