Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
