Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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