I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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