You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
