Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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