Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
