And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
