she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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