hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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