You're so nebulous sometimes
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
