I think my fart just growled at me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
