new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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