why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You smell like stripper and shame
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
