...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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