And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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