dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize