oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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