Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
