did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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