Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
