I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
