I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i believe in u and ur pee
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
