Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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