Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
