me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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