I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
