just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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